Beware: Humanitarians

For someone who doesn’t know better, the word humanitarian could be taken to mean a person who regularly eats humans. Vegetarians eat vegetables; humanitarians ought to eat humans.

Humanitarians are always hosting charity dinners for one downtrodden group of humans or another. Again, for someone who doesn’t know better, this could be a terrifying concept. They might be getting the poor off the streets, but just where do they go? They might be hosting a dinner for starving children, but how do we know the humanitarians aren’t just fattening them up so they can be served for dinner themselves? Luring poor children with the promise of food; they might as well meet in gingerbread conference rooms.

As long as we are discussing cannibalism, there is another thing that has often troubled me. People always say, “you are what you eat.” Does this mean in order to be truly human, you have to eat other humans? If that’s the case, I think I’d rather be a cow. Or a pizza.