If you ever find out you have a fairy godmother or father, it doesn’t mean you are extra special, or have some grand destiny in store. All it means is that your parents hung around with a really weird crowd.

A father addresses his child:

“Your mother and I spent most of our twenties frolicking in the enchanted forest. That was where we met out good friend Kadoz the Forest Fairy. We were all so close that when were blessed enough to have you, we named Kadoz the Godfather. He is a bit distant, and smells like rotten wood, but is a good friend to us and will always be looking out for you.”
“You think that’s weird? Its nothing compared to our wedding. My best man was a centaur! Boy, was his suit expensive.”

“A centaur?” the child says, “I’ve never seen a centaur. What happened to him?”

The father sighs. “While we were settling in to married life, your mother and I lost contact with Mark the Centaur. I guess the years haven’t been as kind to poor Mark as they were to us. I saw some recent pictures on him on Facebook. He’s really let himself go.”

The father stares his child straight in the eyes, as if he is giving the most important advice anyone could ever hear. “There is nothing more disguising than a fat centaur,” he shakes his head, “except maybe a fat, balding centaur who refuses to wear a shirt.”